The Professional Cruise Survival Kit: 10 Obscure Cruise Packing Tips

I love cruising. It’s basically a floating hotel where the walls are made of paper-thin hope and bathroom smells are trapped forever. Look, if you know, you know. So don’t be a rookie! After well over 100 cruises, we have learned which cruise packing tips are the actual necessities. Hint: it’s definitely not the useless magnets, towel clips, lanyards, green apples, and all that other crap every other YouTube idiot says you’ll need. These are the REAL, yet mostly obscure, top 10 things you should bring on every single cruise to help keep your sanity (and maybe your stomach) intact. I’ve included Amazon affiliate links for each product to make it easy for you.

Cabin Comfort & Containment

Let’s start with a little consideration for your roommate. Humans can be very smelly creatures! Cruise lines do their best to mitigate smells, but there’s only so much they can do. Here’s how you, as a passenger, can help starve the smells.

Use Vacuum Seal Bags for Dirty Laundry. Seriously, those mesh laundry bags are a joke. You should be trying to save space, not turn your cabin into a biohazard with your week-old sweaty socks. Get you some of these svelte vacuum bags! They work by pulling the air out of your clothes, and keeping the smell inside. Seal up those bio-hazard bags as they fill up. It keeps the stench where it belongs (in the bag) and magically shrinks your luggage, leaving more room for the seven or eight 2-foot souvenir glasses you bought at Senor Frogs. You can use virtually any airtight resealable bag, but here’s an affordable set on Amazon. Use our affiliate link and save! https://amzn.to/42J2KYN
Solid-State Toilet Pre-Treatment Spray. Yes, we’re talking Poo Pouri. We’re gonna get sciency here, so stay with me. Unlike at home, where your husband can destroy the guest room toilet for an entire week and no one talks about it, when you’re sharing a tiny bathroom on a cruise ship, civility requires a solution way beyond a courtesy flush. Normal air fresheners just mask the horror, but sprays like Poo-Pourri create a scented barrier on top of the water that traps and neutralizes the smell at the source. Please don’t be the person who hot-boxes the cabin for the next three hours. https://amzn.to/42J2KYN
Poop bags. People always look at me funny when I tell them about poop bags. You know those little plastic dog bags you see in the park? These work wonderfully for wrapping up hygiene products! You can get in some hot water, literally, water all over your floors (and probably the entire hallway) if you flush anything down those delicate toilets that has any sort of girth. Tampons, pads, diapers, man wipes – they are a big no-no. Use these baggies to store that junk, then tie them off and toss them in the bathroom trash can. This avoids the smells and the troubles. https://amzn.to/47gxQZs

Health and Wellness

You’ve probably seen the recent news stories about Norovirus sickening entire ships, ruining the cruise for everyone. It’s hard to pound a drink package when you’re stuck on the toilet. Here are a few cruise health product tips NO ONE ELSE will tell you about.

Hypochlorous Acid Sanitizer Spray – The Norovirus Countermeasure. Forget that useless, alcohol-based washy-washy hand sanitizer. It is completely ineffective against Norovirus, the reigning champ of cruise-ship misery. HOCl is what your own white blood cells use to fight infection, and in spray form, it obliterates 99.99% of germs. Studies have shown that HOCl can kill a wide range of viruses, including: Influenza, Herpes simplex, HIV, Hepatitis B and C viruses, and Zika virus. And yes, Norovirus. So get you some HOCI and spray your hands, spray the elevator button, and maybe spray around your roommate’s mouth too. OK, don’t do that. But proactive disinfection is the best and only way to avoid getting sick. https://amzn.to/4og0qkd
Use Earplugs. We all need our sleep. And the paper-thin walls of your cruise cabin suite mean you’re a reluctant participant in your neighbor’s 2 AM drunken shouting match or… other, equally loud activities, if you know what I mean. Don’t leave home without earplugs unless you enjoy unsolicited wake-up calls from strangers. There are disposable and reusable varieties, and both work well. As an alternative, I use noise cancelling over-the-ear headphones where I pipe in my own noise. The only downside is bit headphones are a little uncomfortable for side sleepers. https://amzn.to/3KIF295
Weighted Eye Mask. Look, any old eye mask can block light, but your delicate cruise anxiety may need more. This eye mask isn’t just a blackout curtain for your face. Weighted eye masks apply gentle, targeted pressure to trick your brain into making you feel safe. For some folks, especially brand new cruise passengers, it’s often the only thing that will keep nervous-traveler jitters from morphing into a mid-ocean panic attack. https://amzn.to/4923wE6

Security and Safety

If you’ve watched any of the 500+ episodes of Dateline, you already know crime can happen anywhere. Yes, even in paradise. The biggest crime that happens on cruise vacations is theft. Cash, cards, jewelry, electronics, basically anything that can be moved and kept in a pocket has the possibility of leaving the ship in someone else’s pocket. Here’s how to protect yourself and your valuables.

Portable Travel Safe: You think your cabin safe is secure? Cute. They all have a master override code accessible by anyone with WiFi and half a brain. We made a video about it! Your own portable safe is analog, hackproof, and comes with a short cable that locks your valuables to something stupid heavy like a fortress. It’s not about being paranoid; it’s about making yourself a harder target than the next guy. Just make sure you don’t forget the combination. https://amzn.to/4qcbO2w

The Modern Cruiser’s Handbook

Before we continue, some of you may find my book helpful, The Modern Cruiser’s Handbook: Your All-in-One Guide to Planning the Perfect Cruise from First-Timer to Seasoned Sailor. I’ve defined the terms, quelled the myths, stated the facts, and of course, we’ll explain the difference between a boat and a ship so ol’ Navy Ned won’t have a coronary. It’s filled with tons of useful cruise vacation information including safety precautions, the best rooms to choose, which cruise line is more like a used Hyundai, and which itinerary floats your boat. Of course, you’ll find it speckled with the Admiral’s strange sense of humor. Pick up the ebook, audiobook, or paperback on Amazon today! https://amzn.to/4olQyWn

Convenience and Utility

There are some things that just make life a little easier. Even on a cruise ship. Here are the last three obscure cruise packing tips to finish off your perfect cruise vacatgion.

Clips. Your cabin curtains will always betray you. Those tricky b*stards are physically incapable of closing all the way, leaving a crack of blinding sunlight that’ll somehow find its way into your retina every morning at exactly 6 AM and ruin your whole day. Grip clips, the same ones we use for all sorts of things on movie sets, can be used to clip those awful light-leakers shut. And they can be used for clamping wet swimsuits to hangers so they don’t drip all over the carpet, or yes (GASP), to clip your ghetto towels to lounge chairs you’ve claimed for a week straight on the pool deck. So stop using your magnetic hook money on cheap tricks—some walls aren’t even magnetic on some newer ships. https://amzn.to/46RLq6n
Stick-on or magnetic Whiteboard Sheets. If you didn’t buy the wifi package and plan to lock your iPhone in your locker to truly decompress, a whiteboard can be quite handy. Whiteboards are a clever way to leave messages to yourself or others without defacing your temporary home. If your walls are magnetic, get the magnetic ones. If not, there are adhesive whiteboard sheets. With the adhesives, just test a corner first so you don’t peel the ship’s paint off. They will send you a bill for that nonsense. You can substitute sticky notes, but that’s just wasteful. https://amzn.to/495F6JZ
Immediate-Action Stain Removal Device. You prolly shelled out good money for that formal night attire, and you will splash lobster butter and/or spill red wine on it. It’s a certainty. Stain removers, often sold as a magic Tide pen, is your emergency failsafe for instant, targeted treatment. You don’t have time to wait for the ship’s expensive laundry service, and you probably shouldn’t be scrubbing your dress with hand soap (especially if you’re fixin’ to return it). The pens are still popular and convenient, but there’s a new, even more clever stain removal method – stain removal sheets. These suck up the oil and stains, and you can toss them when done. The pens kind of save the yuck in the tip, and you don’t want to spread it. Plus, pens can dry out after a while. The sheets are individually sealed, so they stay moist. So save your expensive clothes—and your dignity. https://amzn.to/4923AUm

There are a few other things I didn’t mention in my tirade, mainly because that Vermicious Knid also mentions them in her videos. You know exactly who I’m talking about. But these are actually good ideas, so here they are:

In addition to your prescription fun, bring Imodium, Pepto Bismol, Tums, Ibuprofen, cough drops, Band Aids, Benadryl, and a thermometer. Here’ss a handy kit with almost everything https://amzn.to/4hbaAk3
Duct tape to repair luggage, shoes, pants, people, emotions, whatever https://amzn.to/472WOeA
Motion sensor light for late night trips to the poo room – Cruise On sent us one and it’s pretty cool. https://amzn.to/4923AUm
Multiple port USB-C charger to charge multiple phones overnight. And don’t forget your charging cables https://amzn.to/48pFsLg
Portable magsafe batteries for excursions zero cables necessary https://amzn.to/42FWscw or https://amzn.to/3W7DBmT
Waterproof cases for phones and stuff with a safety lanyard https://amzn.to/42GNDPL